A modest proposal for addressing climate change
The following op-ed was inspired by Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal, a biting satire criticizing British exploitation of Ireland by suggesting the poor sell their children as food.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that climate change is humanity’s gravest threat and that the chief driver of this catastrophic crisis is our own indulgent, fossil-fueled existence. After much contemplation and concern, we have finally arrived at an infallible solution to this disaster. We propose an elegant and simple solution that should be enacted at once. It is this: in order to save the planet, we must increase global poverty.
We are all aware that higher living standards lead to greater energy consumption. Air conditioning, automobiles, dishwashers, electricity, even the sinister Wi-Fi – all are hallmarks of the modern lifestyle and are universally cherished by those privileged enough to rise above the mud of destitution. However, these so-called “luxuries” come with grievous environmental consequences. The more comfortable we make ourselves, the hotter the planet becomes.
Thus, we propose a global initiative to reverse this trend, returning billions of people to the gracious bosom of poverty. Let us, with compassion and foresight, demolish the middle class, strip them of their conveniences, and plunge the newly prosperous back into the idyllic simplicity of subsistence living.
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First, we must de-industrialize the developing world. It is well known that regions such as Africa, South Asia, and Latin America have, through some grievous error, seen a growth in their living standards in recent decades. We cannot, in good conscience, allow these communities to continue on this reckless path to modernity. We must dismantle their factories, uproot their cities, and relocate their populations back to agrarian bliss. Let the lights go out, the water pumps rust, and the cities return to nature. Surely, the sight of a starving child beside a flickering candle is preferable to the terror of rising sea levels.
Next, we must direct our attention to the insidious scourge of the Western middle class. These people, with their endless shopping sprees, 2,000-square-foot homes, and foolish notions of a “comfortable retirement,” are responsible for an unacceptable portion of carbon emissions. To remedy this, we humbly suggest that we remove from them the very concept of wealth. Why not initiate a global wealth re-distribution program? But instead of giving to the poor, we shall simply siphon away their savings and leave them with the barest means to survive.
The benefits are clear: no more air travel, no more Amazon packages cluttering landfills, and no more Netflix binges that drain the energy grid. As an added bonus, the resulting despair and hunger will drastically reduce the population, another boon for the environment. Fewer humans, after all, means fewer polluters.
Consider the majestic potential of a worldwide famine! Let us take inspiration from the great famines of the past – Ireland’s, China’s, and Ethiopia’s – each of which successfully reduced consumption to near-zero levels. Not only would this cleanse the planet, but it would also produce a leaner, more resilient humanity. Those who survive will develop the necessary skills to forage, hunt, and live lightly on the earth, free of the evils of modernity.
For those of you concerned about the morality of increasing poverty, let me assure you that this is not just about the environment. It is about freedom. Imagine a world where people no longer enslave themselves to the tyranny of credit card debt or mortgage payments. In the fields of misery, they shall be free to live as nature intended – hungry, cold, and unburdened by the comforts of modern life.
Now, I anticipate that some may object to this proposal on the grounds of compassion. “Shouldn’t we be lifting people out of poverty, not plunging them into it?” they may cry. To these misguided souls, I say: what greater act of compassion is there than saving the planet itself? By reducing living standards, we reduce emissions. And if a few hundred million souls must suffer the indignities of poverty to achieve this, then surely it is a small price to pay for the survival of the planet?
So let us, without hesitation, embrace this solution. Let us celebrate poverty as the key to our salvation. For in every collapsed economy, empty pantry, and unheated home, we shall find hope for the future of our planet.
Explore more on Climate change, Environmental extremism, Energy transition, Energy poverty
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